You guessed it (or the title told you), I was taken down by a muffin! Really, I was taken down by my love of stuff, in particular, Free Stuff!
I Love stuff! I'm not a hoarder but that's only because I dislike clutter just as much as I like stuff so I'm constantly giving stuff away. My newest way to gather free stuff is by completing those customer surveys you get at the bottom of your sales receipt.
On Tuesday I took my children for a treat (cause I'm a good mom), I cashed in on two free muffins which worked out well since I only had two kids with me. Well, upon arriving at the restaurant my children (my picky children) informed me that they do not like muffins - great! I proceeded with my selections, presented my coupon and went about my business.
Later that day, without a second thought I cut the carrot muffin in half and took a bite....WAIT! My brain yelled as my mouth chewed....NO SUGAR - STOP - 30 DAYS - DENIAL.... Then it hit me. Just as the sugar filled my veins I remembered that I was fasting and I had blown it!
I was crushed, shattered, hopeless, devastated (all the while still wanting more of that muffin). I was totally blind sided, caught of guard. A muffin was not even on my list of foods to avoid. I was so focused on "real temptations" that I had stopped being diligent about innocent things like "muffins" so I failed.
Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
1 Peter 5:8
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Now, I can't be sure that the devil was in my kitchen cheering me on as I ate that muffin but the above scriptures clearly remind me of the importance of Being Alert and Diligent and that's where I failed.
The after effects on this stupid muffin is that I felt bad. Guilt, shame, anger, frustration, and everything in between flooded me even more the the sugar. I felt like a horrible person, a fraud. All the world would now see that I could not stand firm in my pledge - and that's where the devil was at work and where I was a willing listener to his lies.
I wasted the next few hours feeling sorry for myself. I debated giving up this blog and my commitment to change. I decided that I was incapable of changes, incapable of living a life that would be void of regret and intentional sin.
I was without Grace!
It hit me like a gallon of Hagan Dazs, I had no Grace!
I was so excited that I wasn't a failure. God had revealed to me yet another area of my life that needed attention (this revelation was not so exciting) - my lack of Grace
Romans 5:20 The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 21 so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
2 Corinthians 12:8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I have received God's Grace though I didn't deserve it. His Grace that is always extended to be and working on my behalf. His grace which in turn I need to extend to others and more often to myself. Accepting that I had made a mistake and needed to allow myself the grace to recognize it as just that a mistake. My hearts desire was to be steadfast and righteous, however, I have slipped - BUT THAT IS OK. I was not guarded and diligent but I am willing to learn, try again, and move forward. That is God's Grace! God's grace is not my grace (thank God) and I am still learning that. I need to receive His grace without restriction and extend it to my children out of love.
I told you that I had no idea where this blog was going. No idea what I'd say, who I'd offend, or who I might encourage. I am just a girl learning everyday. I asked for discipline and I'm getting it but I've gotta admit that it feels good.